Sometimes, life sucks (new definition of the word sucks – “stinks”). The days go by and I produce nothing. There seems to be no reason to get up in the morning, and no reason to stay up once I do. Everything drags me down – the color of the walls in the house, the sounds of nature outside the window, the gray or blue of the skies. I think about my family and I want to leave. I think about work and I want to quit. Everywhere I look, I feel the outside pressing in on me and there’s nowhere to run. I know, because I’ve tried. And I ended up right back where I started.

So, now what? Is this what I’m going to feel like until – when? Until I die? Until I figure out what I need to fill the void? Until something comes along and snaps me out of my doldrums? At this point, there sure doesn’t seem to be anything that is capable of that. I’m stuck in The Rut, and that’s where I am.

Just exactly where was David in the above passage?

Verse 1: “O God, You are my God; I earnestly search for You. My soul thirsts for You; my whole body long for You in this parched and weary land where there is no water.”

According to the notes, he was in the desert or the wilderness of Judah. Was he there because the walls of the palace had closed in on him, too, and he needed to get away? Was he there to do penance for something that he felt he caused to happen and, therefore, he needed to repent and get right with God? “My soul thirsts for You; my whole body longs for You. . .” I can’t get anything right, God. Everything I try to do turns to dust and is awful. Where are You?

Verse 2-3: “I have seen You in Your sanctuary and gazed upon Your glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise You!”

You are in Your sanctuary. Your church? A building? Beside me in this place? Inside me, in my heart? Where? Have I gazed upon Your glory? As a child, I used to go into the church when it was empty and kneel up on the railing where communion was given. I’d close my eyes tightly shut and ignore all the noise that was outside the building. I’d kneel there like that until this strange feeling came over me, and I’d pretend that was You. Was it? Always, if I waited long enough, it would happen. As an adult, in some of the music and words of songs, I have cried because the words have spoken to my soul. Was that You? Have I been brought into the presence of Your glory?

Verse 4-5: “I will praise You as long as I live, lifting up my hands to You in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise You with songs of joy.”

I don’t know, God. It’s a struggle to lift these hands up in praise, sometimes. My heart is black and sore and I don’t feel worthy to be in Your presence. Only those with a pure heart and covered in righteousness are able to come before You. I feel too far away to ever get right with You.

Verse 8: “I cling to You; Your strong right hand holds me securely.”

Am I relying on the wrong things to get me back into the groove and out of The Rut? Am I seeing only my own version of what You want for me? Am I listening to the voice of liars and not Truth? Am I not relying totally on You for showing me the way You want me to go? Is my focus in the wrong place, looking inward to me and not upward to You? Will it work? Do You promise?

Verse 11: “All who trust in Him will praise Him, while liars will be silenced.”

God, silence the voice of the liars. Give my heart Your Words, Your Truth. Show me Your will and keep me under the protection. I don’t know what is in store for me, but"because You are my helper, I will sing for joy in the shadow of Your wings.” Before I know, You are, have been and will be. Let this be all that I need. Amen.

Author: Totally Awesome Grace